Bad Day at the Office?

 Hello

If you don't laugh out loud after you read this you are in a coma! 

 

This is even funnier when you realize it's real! Next time you have a bad day at work, think of this guy. 

 

Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 on FM dial in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. 

 

Needless to say, she won. 

 

Hi Sue, just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all. 

 

Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wet suit. This time of year the water is quite cool, so what we do to keep warm is this: we have a diesel-powered industrial water heater. 

 

This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. 

 

What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi. 

 

Everything was going well, until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds, my butt started to burn. 

 

I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony, I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. 

 

Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt. 

 

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically. 

 

Needless to say, I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. 

 

When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber.

 

The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut. So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt. 

 

Now repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job." Now whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself: Is this a jellyfish bad day? 

 

May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day!!!!! 

 

Here is the link to learn how to change your day and your life for good: 

 

PS. I sent this to my sister who just learned how to scuba dive and she laughed her butt off. It feels good to make someone's day. Laughter is the key to a long life. Give the gift of life to others.

Story of Donkey

Socrates the ancient Greek Philosopher used to give public discourses about serious subjects like Life and the afterlife while standing in a big stone in the corner of the market. People in the market and the passers-by come and listen for a few minutes and then they leave when they listen to his philosophy. They did not pay much attention to his philosophy. Socrates, when he found that the people are not giving much attention to his philosophy decided to do something different.

Socrates then announced to the general public that he is going to tell a story. A very interesting story. And started his story. People who heard his announcement came near very eagerly to listen to his story.

He started like this. “There was a merchant who has a lot of merchandise to sell decided to go to another city so that he could get some extra profit from the business. He packed his goods and took it on his shoulder and left for another city before the daybreak. He has to cross a big mountain to reach another city. There is no other way but to climb the mountain with his goods. While he was walking he found another man with a donkey also heading to the same city the merchant was going to. They were walking together and talking to each other and become friends. Then the merchant asked the man to rent his donkey to hold his merchandise till they reach the other city. The man agreed for a certain amount of money.”

At this point, Socrates found that a large audience gathered around him to listen to the story, and a lot of people forget their duty and listening to his story. People used to come and listen and leave within a few minutes also forget their business and stay back to listen to the story. 

Then he continued his story like this: “They have to climb a steep mountain to reach their destination. The merchant placed his merchandise upon the donkey and they started in the morning. It was easy to walk in the morning. As the day progressed, it become very tough for them to climb the mountain. They were sweating and become very tired. But as soon as the sun came on top of their head They decided to take a rest.”

Socrates found a large number of people gathered around him and very eagerly listening to his story. He continued:

“It was Noon and they were tired. They decided to take a break. But there were no trees or shade where they could sit and take rest, there was only the shade of donkey who carried the merchandise. Under the shade of that donkey, there was space for only one man. The owner of the donkey told the other man that the shade of the donkey is solely belongs to him as he is the owner. But the merchant wants to sit and take a rest so he disagrees with the argument of the owner of the donkey saying that right now he hired the donkey so the shade of the donkey solely belongs to him only.

The owner of the donkey told that he only let out the donkey, not the shade. But the merchant said that when he hired the donkey, the shade also belongs to him. Both the men fell into a fierce argument for the shade of the donkey. Both argued that it belongs to them legally.”

By this time there was a large number of people gathered around Socrates. So He climbed down from the stone where he was standing and walked away. People followed him requesting to complete the story. He paid no attention to them and continued his walking. People were following him and requesting him to complete the story all the more. They pressed him hard for the end of the story, so he stopped walking and turned to them and said. “I was talking to you people about great and serious things like life and the afterlife. But you were not paying any attention. But when I started to tell about an imaginative story of a Donkey and it shade you are very eager to listen and want to know the end of the story. You are paying more attention to silly things and ignoring the important things in life. You should look for important things in life, do not run after silly things like stories. Do some important things every day and pursue it.”

 

Honesty Is Still the Best Policy

Once a general manager wanted to test his people who had come from all over India, about their values of life.

He announced that in their seminar folder, there is a PVC pouch and in it, there is a seed. When they return, they must put it in good soil in a pot and look after it very well.

He would hold a competition in the next year's seminar and that the best plants would be awarded suitably.

Everyone did what was told to him. A year passed quickly. And next year in a big hall, there were hundreds of pots and a great variety of plants-a great scene.

Except for one pot in which the soil was there and no plant! The owner was standing quietly and seemingly ashamed of himself!

The general manager called him on the stage. He asked him what happened and he told him the truth. He planted the seed which he was given – and did that was to be done- but nothing happened!

The general manager declared him the winner!

Everyone was shocked. It was announced, "Gentlemen! The seeds I gave you were boiled seeds. You planted them and nothing happened! You acted smartly and used some other seeds.

This man was honest to his work and, therefore he did not cheat me or himself!"

 

The Donkey - Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.

The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered in another race and it won again.

The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in any more races.

The next day the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES THE PASTOR'S ASS.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline: NUN HAS THE BEST ASS IN TOWN .

The Bishop fainted.

He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the headlines read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the high plains where it could run free.

The next day the headlines read : NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

Alas... The Bishop was buried the next day.

MORAL OF THE STORY???

Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery and even shorten your life. So, be yourself and enjoy life. Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll live longer.

 

Bridge of Love - Story

Once upon a time, two brothers who lived on adjoining farms fell into conflict.

It was the first serious rift in 40 years of farming side by side, sharing machinery, and trading labor and goods as needed without a hitch. Then the long collaboration fell apart. It began with a small misunderstanding and it grew into a major difference, and finally, it exploded into an exchange of bitter words followed by weeks of silence.

One morning there was a knock on John's door. He opened it to find a man with a carpenter's toolbox. "I'm looking for a few days' work," he said."Perhaps you would have a few small jobs here and there I could help with? Could I help you?

"Yes," said the older brother. "I do have a job for you. Look across the creek at that farm. That's my neighbor, in fact, it's my younger brother. Last week there was a meadow between us and he took his bulldozer to the river levee and now there is a creek between us.

Well, he may have done this to spite me, but I'll go him one better. See that pile of lumber by the barn?I want you to build me a fence - - an 8-foot fence -- so I won't need to see his place or his face anymore."

The carpenter said, "I think I understand the situation. Show me the nails and the post-hole digger and I'll be able to do a job that pleases you."

The older brother had to go to town, so he helped the carpenter get the materials ready, and then he was off for the day. The carpenter worked hard all that day measuring, sawing, nailing and hammering.

About sunset when the farmer returned, the carpenter had just finished his job. The farmer's eyes opened wide, his jaw dropped. There was no fence there at all.

It was a bridge -- a bridge stretching from one side of the creek to the other! A fine piece of work handrails and all -- and the neighbor, his younger brother, was coming across, his hand outstretched."You are quite a fellow to build this bridge after all I've said and done."

The two brothers stood at each end of the bridge, and then they met in the middle, taking each other's hand. They turned to see the carpenter hoist his toolbox on his shoulder.

"No, wait! Stay a few days. I've a lot of other projects for you," said the older brother.

"I'd love to stay on," the carpenter said, "but, I have many more love bridges to build."

Someone Who Understands - Story Puppies for Sale

A store owner was tacking a sign above his door that read: "Puppies For Sale". Signs like that have a way of attracting small children and sure enough, a little boy appeared under the store owner's sign.

"How much are you going to sell the puppies for?" he asked.

The store owner replied, "Anywhere from $30 to $50."

The little boy reached in his pocket and pulled out some change.

"I have $2.37," he said. "Can I please look at them?"

The store owner smiled and whistled and out of the kennel came Lady, who ran out in the aisle of his store followed by five teeny, tiny balls of fur. One puppy was lagging considerably behind.

Immediately the little boy singled out the lagging, limping puppy and said, "What's wrong with that little dog?"


The store owner explained that the veterinarian had examined the little puppy and had discovered it didn't have a hip socket. It would always be lame.

The little boy became excited. "That is the puppy that I want to buy."


The store owner said, "No, you don't want to buy that little dog. If you really want him, I'll just give him to you."

The little boy got quite upset. He looked straight into the store owner's eyes, pointing his finger, and said, "I don't want you to give him to me. That little dog is worth every bit as much as all the other dogs and I'll pay full price. In fact, I'll give you $2.37 now, and 50 cents a month until I have him paid for."


The store owner countered, "You really don't want to buy this little dog. He is never going to be able to run and jump and play with you like the other puppies."

To his surprise, the little boy reached down and rolled up his pant leg to reveal a badly twisted, crippled left leg supported by a big metal brace. He looked up at the store owner and softly replied, "Well, I don't run so well myself, and the little puppy will need someone who understands."


Don't we all need someone who understands?

~"Puppies For Sale" by Dan Clark~

The Wood Cutter Story - Paying Attention

One day a woodcutter took his grandson into the forest for his first experience in selecting and cutting oak trees. These they would later sell to the boat builders.

As they walked along, the woodcutter explained that the purpose of each tree is contained in its natural shape: some are straight for planks, some have the proper curves for the ribs of a boat, and some are tall for masts.

The woodcutter told his grandson that by paying attention to the details of each tree, and with experience in recognizing these characteristics, someday he too might become the woodcutter of the forest.

A little way into the forest, the grandson saw an old oak tree that had never been cut. The boy asked his grandfather if he could cut it down because it was useless for boat building - there were no straight limbs, the trunk was, short and gnarled, and the curves were going the wrong way. "We could cut it down for firewood," the grandson said. "At least then it will be of some use to us." The woodcutter replied that for now they should be about their work cutting the proper trees for the boat builders; maybe later they could return to the old oak tree.

After a few hours of cutting the huge trees, the grandson grew tired and asked if they could stop for a rest in some cool shade. The woodcutter took his grandson over to the old oak tree, where they rested against its trunk in the cool shade beneath its twisted limbs.

After they had rested a while, the woodcutter explained to his grandson the necessity of attentive awareness and recognition of everything in the forest and in the world. Some things are readily apparent, like the tall, straight trees; other things are less apparent, requiring closer attention, like recognition of the proper curves in the limbs. And some things might initially appear to have no purpose at all, like the gnarled old oak tree.

The woodcutter stated, "You must learn to pay careful attention every day so you can recognize and discover the purpose God has for everything in creation. For it is this old oak tree, which you so quickly deemed useless except for firewood, that now allows us to rest against its trunk amidst the coolness of its shade.

"Remember, grandson, not everything is as it first appears. Be patient, pay attention, recognize, and discover."