Better to Ask than Assume

The late Bill Love used to tell the story of a psychiatrist, engineer, and doctor who got lost in the Canadian woods. Stumbling on a trapper's cabin but getting no response at the door, they went inside for shelter and waited for his return.

In the corner, on a crude platform at waist-high level, was a wood-burning stove. It quickly became not only the focus of interest for their half-frozen bodies but the center of their conversation as well.

The psychiatrist explained the stove's unusual position as evidence of psychological problems brought on by isolation. The engineer, on the other hand, saw it as an ingenious form of forced-air heating. The physician surmised the poor fellow had arthritis and found it too painful to bend over to fuel his stove.

When the trapper finally arrived, they could not resist asking about the stove whose warmth had saved them. "Simple," he said. "My stove pipe was too short."

I wasn't along for that hunting trip, but I've been where those guys were that day. I've tried to read someone's mind. I've seen motives that weren't there. I've walked into situations, caught a snippet of what was happening, and made a fool of myself by some badly chosen response. Or I've used a perfectly innocent slip of the tongue as my 
excuse to take offense. I can be a real jerk at times!

On occasion, the victim has been a stranger. At other times, it was a friend from church or colleague at work. Most often, it has been my wife or child.

Communication is a wonderful thing - when it happens. But there are so many barriers. Each of us brings baggage to every situation. Words can be vague or carry very different nuances for people from different backgrounds. Then there are the prejudices and blind spots all of us have.

Lots of confusion could be eliminated and far more progress made this week by following this simple rule: When something isn't clear, ask. Don't assume. Don't guess. Don't mind-read. Trying swallowing your pride and saying, "I'm not sure I understand. Do you mind explaining that to me?"

This simple strategy could save you embarrassment, time, and money. More important still, it might save one of your life's most important relationships.

Rubel Shelly

Rubel Shelly is a Preacher and Professor of Religion and Philosophy located in Rochester Hills, Michigan. In addition to church and academic responsibilities, he has worked actively with such community projects as Habitat for Humanity, American Red Cross, From Nashville With Love, Metro (Nashville) Public Schools, Faith Family Medical Clinic, and Operation Andrew Ministries. 

Mistakes are Opportunities

This is a story about a famous research scientist who had made several very important medical breakthroughs. He was being interviewed by a newspaper reporter who asked him why he thought he was able to be so much more creative than the average person. What set him so far apart from others?

He responded that, in his opinion, it all came from an experience with his mother that occurred when he was about two years old. He had been trying to remove a bottle of milk from the refrigerator when he lost his grip on the slippery bottle and it fell, spilling its contents all over the kitchen floor—a veritable sea of milk!

When his mother came into the kitchen, instead of yelling at him, giving him a lecture, or punishing him, she said, "Robert, what a great and wonderful mess you have made! I have rarely seen such a huge puddle of milk. Well, the damage has already been done. Would you like to get down and play in the milk for a few minutes before we clean it up?"

Indeed, he did. After a few minutes, his mother said, "You know, Robert, whenever you make a mess like this, eventually you have to clean it up and restore everything to its proper order. So, how would you like to do that? We could use a sponge, a towel, or a mop. Which do you prefer?" He chose the sponge and together they cleaned up the spilled milk.

His mother then said, "You know, what we have here is a failed experiment in how to effectively carry a big milk bottle with two tiny hands. Let's go out in the back yard and fill the bottle with water and see if you can discover a way to carry it without dropping it." The little boy learned that if he grasped the bottle at the top near the lip with both hands, he could carry it without dropping it. What a wonderful lesson!

This renowned scientist then remarked that it was at that moment that he knew he didn't need to be afraid to make mistakes. Instead, he learned that mistakes were just opportunities for learning something new, which is, after all, what scientific experiments are all about. Even if the experiment "doesn't work," we usually learn something valuable from it.

Marvelous Answer

Marvelous Answer

Marvelous Answer

Story Re-written, Panchatantra Story

Story re-written

Once upon a time, there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market.

One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river.

Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood (the woodcutter and the axe), he started praying to the River Goddess.

The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river.

As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty.

She showed him a match box and asked, "Is this your computer?" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, "No."

She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his.

Annoyed, the engineer said "No, not at all!!"

Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his.

The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said "Yes."

The River Goddess was happy with his honesty.

She was about to give him all three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer asked her, "Don't you know that you're supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my own?"

The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know that, you stupid donkey!

The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the Billennium, the latest computers from IBM!".

So saying, she disappeared with the Pentium!!

Moral: If you're not up-to-date with technology trends, it's better keep your mouth shut and let people think you're a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

A Lesson Learnt From My Six Year Old

On Saturday mornings, my family and I stay in bed just a little bit longer. My two boys crawl into bed with my husband and I and we usually watch music videos all together cuddled up in bed.

A song came on called "If this was your last day" which I found intriguing and thought it posed an interesting question too, so I turned to my husband and asked him what he would do if it was his last day.

He thought for a while and then said that he would probably lie in bed all day just as we were doing right now, surrounded by all his favorite people, just savoring the time together.

I turned to my eight year old and asked him what he would do and he said that he would go to Canada's Wonderland and go on all the rides.

I then focused my attention on my six year old and posed the same question. He looked at me intently and asked "Is this my last day to live?", I said "yup".

He then answered the question quite matter of factly and said "I would go to the hospital".

Of course my husband and I thought his answer was genuinely funny, smart and pure (we are biased of course). However, I have been thinking about it for a few days now and I realize that my six year old has it all figured out.
He naturally thinks outside of the box, he does not accept a situation and assume a scenario just because it is posed to him.

In his mind, there was no reason why it should be his last day and he was going to find a way to ensure that it was not.

In a flash of a second, he realized that he has the capacity to ensure that it wouldn't be his last day and not only that, but he was going to take the requisite responsibility and the necessary action to ensure that it wasn't.

My son taught me that if you want to live then find a way to do it, don't give up, don't settle and don't just accept things for what they seem to be.

Don't assume and accept a situation just because it is presented to you as such. Rather make that situation your own, take responsibility for it and then decide to change it, my six year old did.

Now I know that I am his mother, but is this not the smartest six year old kid in the entire world?

Nicolle Kopping-Pavars
Nicolle Kopping-Pavars is a collaborative lawyer dedicated to using inspiration and motivation while guiding families through difficult transitions.

Intelligent Beggar - How to Behave Like a Fool

Mullah Nasrudin (the central figure in almost all tales of the Sufi tradition) had already become a sort of attraction at the main market in the town.

Whenever he went there to beg, people would show him a large coin and a small one: Nasrudin always chose the small one.

A generous man who was tired of seeing everyone laugh at Nasrudin, explained to him:

“When people offer you two coins, choose the larger one. Then you will have more money, and people will not think you a fool.”

“You are surely right”, replied Nasrudin.
 

“But if I always chose the larger coin, people would stop offering me money, in order to prove that I am a greater fool than they are.
 

“And then I would no longer receive enough for my food.
 

“There is nothing wrong with appearing to be a fool, if what you are doing is in fact intelligent.”
 

Story of Fruit Custom and Religion

In the desert, fruit was scarce. God called one of his prophets and said: - Each person may only eat one fruit a day.

The custom was obeyed for many generations, and the ecology of the place was preserved. Since the remaining fruit supplied seeds, other trees appeared. Soon, the entire region was turned into fertile soil, which was the envy of other towns.

But the people continued to eat one fruit a day – they remained faithful to what the ancient prophet of their forefathers had told them. However they never allowed the inhabitants of other villages to take advantage of the abundant harvest with which they were rewarded each year.

The result was that fruit rotted on the ground.

God called a new prophet and said:

- Let them eat as much fruit as they like. And ask them to share the abundance with their neighbors.

The prophet came to the town with the new message. But he was stoned – for by now the custom was ingrained in the hearts and minds of each of the inhabitants.

With time, the younger villagers began to question the barbaric old custom.

But, since the tradition of the elders was unbending, they decided to abandon the religion. Thus, they could eat as much fruit as they wished, and give the rest to those in need of food.

The only people who remained faithful to the local church, were those who considered themselves saints. But in truth they were unable to see how the world changes, and recognize how one must change with it.