Search This Blog

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Bad Day at the Office?

Hello

If you don't laugh out loud after you read this you are in a coma! 

 

This is even funnier when you realize it's real! Next time you have a bad day at work, think of this guy. 

 

Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 on FM dial in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. 

 

Needless to say, she won. 

 

Hi Sue, just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all. 

 

Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wet suit. This time of year the water is quite cool, so what we do to keep warm is this: we have a diesel-powered industrial water heater. 

 

This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. 

 

What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi. 

 

Everything was going well, until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds, my butt started to burn. 

 

I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony, I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. 

 

Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt. 

 

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically. 

 

Needless to say, I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. 

 

When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber.

 

The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut. So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt. 

 

Now repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job." Now whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself: Is this a jellyfish bad day? 

 

May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day!!!!! 

 

Here is the link to learn how to change your day and your life for good: 

 

PS. I sent this to my sister who just learned how to scuba dive and she laughed her butt off. It feels good to make someone's day. Laughter is the key to a long life. Give the gift of life to others.

Source: form an email forward

Suspect Ultimate Chicken Story (Mind Blowing Climax)

A farmer rears twenty-five young hens and one old cock. As he feels that the old cock could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer bought one young cock from the market. 

 

Old cock to Young cock : "Welcome to join me, we will work together towards productivity. 

 

Young cock : What you mean? As far as I know, you are old and should be retired. 

 

Old cock : Young boy, there are twenty-five hens here, can't I help you with some? 

 

Young cock : No! Not even one, all of them will be mine. 

 

Old cock : In this case, I shall challenge you to a competition and if I win you shall allow me to have one hen and if I lose you will have all. 

 

Young cock : O.K. What kind of competition? 

 

Old cock: 50 meter run. From here to that tree. But due to my age, I hope you allow me to start off the first 10 meters. 

 

Young cock : No problem ! We will compete tomorrow morning. Confidently, the following morning, the Young cock allows the Old cock to start off and when the Old cock crosses the 10 meters mark the Young cock chases him with all his might. 

 

Soon enough, he was behind the Old cock back in a matter of seconds. 

 

Suddenly, Bang! ...... before he could overtake the old cock, he was shot dead by the farmer, who cursed, "Hell ! This is the fifth GAY chicken I've bought this week !" 

 

Source: form an email forward