After 21 years of marriage, my wife wanted me to take another woman out to dinner and a movie. She said I love you but I know this other woman loves you and would love to spend some time with you.
The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my MOTHER, who has been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my three children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally.
That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie.
'What's wrong, are you well,' she asked? My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news.
'I thought that it would be pleasant to be with you,' I responded. 'Just the two of us.'
She thought about it for a moment, and then said, 'I would like that very much.'
That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit nervous.
When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited in the door with her coat on. She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary.
She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel's.
'I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son, and they were impressed, 'she said, as she got into the car. 'They can't wait to hear about our meeting'. We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy. My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady.
After we sat down, I had to read the menu. Large print. Half way through the entries, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips.
'It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small,' she said. 'Then it's time that you relax and let me return the favor,' I responded.
During the dinner, we had an agreeable conversation - nothing extraordinary, but catching up on recent events of each other's life.
We talked so much that we missed the movie.
As we arrived at her house later, she said, 'I'll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you.' I agreed.
'How was your dinner date?' asked my wife when I got home. 'Very nice.
Much more than I could have imagined,' I answered.
A few days later, my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn't have time to do anything for her.
Some time later, I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place mother and I had dined.
An attached note said:
'I paid this bill in advance. I wasn't sure that I could be there; but nevertheless, I paid for two plates - one for you and the other for your wife. You will never know what that night meant for me. I love you, son.’
At that moment, I understood the importance of saying in time: 'I LOVE YOU!' and to give our loved ones the time that they deserve. Nothing in life is more important than God and your family.
Give them the time they deserve, because these things cannot be put off till 'some other time.'
Thursday, July 16, 2009
It only takes a little bit of poison to kill
I was married to a wonderful man. All my life, I'd dreamed of having a happy marriage; and Charles was funny, warm, and caring. I felt that I had worked through a lot of my own insecurities and was ready to be a part of a healthy, loving relationship, but I wasn't.
Unbeknownst to me, I still had a deeply rooted feeling of unworthiness, so even though I had attracted this terrific man into my life, I was subconsciously sabotaging yet another relationship. I was afraid that if I confronted him about any of the problems in our marriage, he'd get angry and leave me; therefore, I repressed the difficult emotions of fear and low self-worth and pretended everything was fine. He didn't speak up about his needs, and I didn't voice mine.
Again, attending a seminar of Bob Proctor's sparked an epiphany for me. Bob placed two clear glasses on a table, each half full”one with coffee, the other with water. He took a teaspoon of water and stirred it into the glass that held coffee, but I could see no change in it.
He mixed in another teaspoonful of water”and another, and another. It wasn't until he'd added several spoonfuls that I began to observe the coffee becoming slightly more transparent. Bob explained that this represented the effect of positive emotions on a person who has a negative state of mind.
As I sat there, I took in his words and tried to apply them to my life. I had to admit that it did take a great deal of positive energy for me to overcome my feelings of anger, sadness, or unworthiness. Then Bob stirred one teaspoonful of the coffee into the glass of clear water. Instantly, I perceived the liquid
changing color. He explained that this is the effect of negativity on a positive mind: It's like a tiny bit of poison. Bob's words became my third epiphany:
“It only takes a little bit of poison to kill.”
It was true. While for the most part I felt as if my life was moving forward, each time I experienced something that brought a negative emotion, I immediately returned to that devastated, hopeless feeling I'd experienced when I was a teenager in misery. If someone at work criticized me, or Charles and I had an argument, all my positive feelings vanished and anger, embarrassment, and unworthiness hijacked me.
The smallest bit of poison would kill my positive attitude. Here I'd convinced myself that all these self-help gurus were living perfect lives, free from any jealousy, anger, or self-doubt, so anytime I experienced those negative emotions, I felt bad about myself. Instead of trying to be more positive, I let my toxic feelings dominate my experience, and then I felt guilty and awful for not being more in control of my emotions.
It began to dawn on me that my expectations of myself were completely unrealistic. I started to realize that all the self-help experts weren't trying to tell me that I couldn't experience negativity, but rather that I needed to manage its effect on my life and stop letting it act like a drop of cyanide, destroying my outlook. I needed to develop the habit of learning what I could from my darker feelings before quickly pulling myself out of my negative emotional state and back into a positive one. After having my third epiphany, I started to apply Bob's words to my life, but it was too late to save my marriage. I'd always been so afraid of my negative feelings that I refused to explore them, and they had acted like a poison within my relationship.
When I look back, I remember that my marriage was filled with love, caring, loyalty, and faithfulness. Still, instead of experiencing gratitude, I felt unworthiness. It wasn't an overwhelming feeling so much as a lingering sense that I didn't deserve happiness. Sadly, within a very short period of time, Charles and I were both so unhappy that our relationship began to unravel. Within four short years, we were divorced and living 20 miles apart. Of course, we both loved our little boy, Michel, deeply and wanted what was best for him more than anything else, so we shared custody. Against all odds, my ex-husband and I created a solid,
respectful, loving relationship as co-parents; in fact, to this day we're still friends.
Find out what the most destructive and poisonous emotions you may have that could be destroying your dreams in YOUR DESTINY SWITCH.
[Excerpt from the New York Times Best Seller Your Destiny Switch: Master Your Key Emotions, And Attract the Life of Your Dreams by Peggy McColl]
Unbeknownst to me, I still had a deeply rooted feeling of unworthiness, so even though I had attracted this terrific man into my life, I was subconsciously sabotaging yet another relationship. I was afraid that if I confronted him about any of the problems in our marriage, he'd get angry and leave me; therefore, I repressed the difficult emotions of fear and low self-worth and pretended everything was fine. He didn't speak up about his needs, and I didn't voice mine.
Again, attending a seminar of Bob Proctor's sparked an epiphany for me. Bob placed two clear glasses on a table, each half full”one with coffee, the other with water. He took a teaspoon of water and stirred it into the glass that held coffee, but I could see no change in it.
He mixed in another teaspoonful of water”and another, and another. It wasn't until he'd added several spoonfuls that I began to observe the coffee becoming slightly more transparent. Bob explained that this represented the effect of positive emotions on a person who has a negative state of mind.
As I sat there, I took in his words and tried to apply them to my life. I had to admit that it did take a great deal of positive energy for me to overcome my feelings of anger, sadness, or unworthiness. Then Bob stirred one teaspoonful of the coffee into the glass of clear water. Instantly, I perceived the liquid
changing color. He explained that this is the effect of negativity on a positive mind: It's like a tiny bit of poison. Bob's words became my third epiphany:
“It only takes a little bit of poison to kill.”
It was true. While for the most part I felt as if my life was moving forward, each time I experienced something that brought a negative emotion, I immediately returned to that devastated, hopeless feeling I'd experienced when I was a teenager in misery. If someone at work criticized me, or Charles and I had an argument, all my positive feelings vanished and anger, embarrassment, and unworthiness hijacked me.
The smallest bit of poison would kill my positive attitude. Here I'd convinced myself that all these self-help gurus were living perfect lives, free from any jealousy, anger, or self-doubt, so anytime I experienced those negative emotions, I felt bad about myself. Instead of trying to be more positive, I let my toxic feelings dominate my experience, and then I felt guilty and awful for not being more in control of my emotions.
It began to dawn on me that my expectations of myself were completely unrealistic. I started to realize that all the self-help experts weren't trying to tell me that I couldn't experience negativity, but rather that I needed to manage its effect on my life and stop letting it act like a drop of cyanide, destroying my outlook. I needed to develop the habit of learning what I could from my darker feelings before quickly pulling myself out of my negative emotional state and back into a positive one. After having my third epiphany, I started to apply Bob's words to my life, but it was too late to save my marriage. I'd always been so afraid of my negative feelings that I refused to explore them, and they had acted like a poison within my relationship.
When I look back, I remember that my marriage was filled with love, caring, loyalty, and faithfulness. Still, instead of experiencing gratitude, I felt unworthiness. It wasn't an overwhelming feeling so much as a lingering sense that I didn't deserve happiness. Sadly, within a very short period of time, Charles and I were both so unhappy that our relationship began to unravel. Within four short years, we were divorced and living 20 miles apart. Of course, we both loved our little boy, Michel, deeply and wanted what was best for him more than anything else, so we shared custody. Against all odds, my ex-husband and I created a solid,
respectful, loving relationship as co-parents; in fact, to this day we're still friends.
Find out what the most destructive and poisonous emotions you may have that could be destroying your dreams in YOUR DESTINY SWITCH.
[Excerpt from the New York Times Best Seller Your Destiny Switch: Master Your Key Emotions, And Attract the Life of Your Dreams by Peggy McColl]
How to handle worry
J.
Arthur Rank, an English executive, decided to do all his worrying on
one day each week. He chose Wednesdays. When anything happened that
gave him anxiety and annoyed his ulcer, he would write it down and
put it in his worry box and forget about it until next Wednesday. The
interesting thing was that on the following Wednesday when he opened
his worry box, he found that most of the things that had disturbed
him the past six days were already settled. It would have been
useless to have worried about them
Climbing 80 Floors Without a Lift
There were once two brothers who lived on the 80th floor of a tall building. One day, when they returned home, they discovered with dismay that the elevators were out of order. They had no choice but to climb the stairs to reach their apartment. Exhausted and breathless by the time they reached the 20th floor, they decided to leave their bags behind and retrieve them the following day. They left their bags and continued their climb.
As they made their way to the 40th floor, their frustration grew, and they became agitated. The younger brother began to complain, and soon they were quarreling. Despite their quarrel, they persisted in climbing, arguing all the way to the 60th floor.
At that point, they realized they only had 20 more levels to go and decided to stop their quarrel and continue their ascent in peace. Silently, they pressed on, finally reaching their home. Standing before the door, they calmly waited for the other to open it, only to realize that the key was in the bags they had left on the 20th floor.
This story serves as a reflection on our own lives and experiences.
Each one of us is on a journey through the tall building called life. Some climb all 80 floors, while others reach fewer. Along the way, we are influenced by different people. Initially, it may be our friends and parents who shape our expectations until the 20th floor. Then, it becomes our spouse and loved ones who accompany us to the next level. Often, we sacrifice our own desires and passions under the weight of pressure and stress. By the age of 20, we become weary and consider abandoning our burdens. Freed from stress, we work with enthusiasm and dream big aspirations.
By the time we reach 40 years old, our visions and dreams start to fade. We feel dissatisfied and begin to complain and criticize. Life becomes a source of misery, as we are never content.
When we reach 60, we realize there is little left to complain about, and we embark on the final phase of our journey in peace and serenity. We believe there is nothing more to disappoint us, only to realize that we still carry an unfulfilled dream – a dream we abandoned 60 years ago. So, what is your dream? Discover it and pursue it, so that you may live without regret.
Remember these key principles:
Accept yourself.
Believe in yourself.
Like yourself.
Within each of us lies immense power, abundant treasures, and limitless possibilities. If we harness these forces and put them into action, we can change the course of history.
How to prevent creativity and motivation
Start with a cage containing five monkeys. Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana.
As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the other monkeys with cold water. After a while, another monkey makes an attempt with the same result - all the other monkeys are sprayed with cold water.
Pretty soon, when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it. Now, put away the cold water.
Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his surprise and horror, all of the other monkeys attack him.
After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted. Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with a new one.
The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm! Likewise, replace a third original monkey with a new one, then a fourth, then the fifth.
Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs, he is attacked. Most of the monkeys that are beating him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs or why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.
After replacing all the original monkeys, none of the remaining monkeys have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless, no monkey ever again approaches the stairs to try for the banana. Why not?
Because as far as they know that's the way it's always been done around here. And that, my friends, is how company policy begins. NOW YOU KNOW THE REST OF THE STORY!!!
As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the other monkeys with cold water. After a while, another monkey makes an attempt with the same result - all the other monkeys are sprayed with cold water.
Pretty soon, when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it. Now, put away the cold water.
Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his surprise and horror, all of the other monkeys attack him.
After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted. Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with a new one.
The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm! Likewise, replace a third original monkey with a new one, then a fourth, then the fifth.
Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs, he is attacked. Most of the monkeys that are beating him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs or why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.
After replacing all the original monkeys, none of the remaining monkeys have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless, no monkey ever again approaches the stairs to try for the banana. Why not?
Because as far as they know that's the way it's always been done around here. And that, my friends, is how company policy begins. NOW YOU KNOW THE REST OF THE STORY!!!
A chance to start over
It was a cold December night in West Orange, New Jersey. Thomas Edison's factory was humming with activity. Work was proceeding on a variety of fronts as the great inventor was trying to turn more of his dreams into practical realities. Edison's plant, made of concrete and steel, was deemed "fireproof". As you may have already guessed, it wasn't!
On that frigid night in 1914, the sky was lit up by a sensational blaze that had burst through the plant roof. Edison's 24-year-old son, Charles, made a frenzied search for his famous inventor-father. When he finally found him, he was watching the fire. His white hair was blowing in the wind. His face was illuminated by the leaping flames. "My heart ached for him," said Charles. "Here he was, 67 years old, and everything he had worked for was going up in flames. When he saw me, he shouted, 'Charles! Where's your mother?' When I told him I didn't know, he said, 'Find her! Bring her here! She'll never see anything like this as long as she lives.'"
Next morning, Mr. Edison looked at the ruins of his factory and said this of his loss: "There's value in disaster. All our mistakes are burned up. Thank God, we can start anew."
What a wonderful perspective on things that seem at first to be so disastrous. A business failure, divorce, personal dream gone sour . . . whether these things destroy an individual depends largely on the attitude he or she takes toward them. Sort out why it happened, and learn something from the blunders. Think of different approaches that can be taken.
Start over.
On that frigid night in 1914, the sky was lit up by a sensational blaze that had burst through the plant roof. Edison's 24-year-old son, Charles, made a frenzied search for his famous inventor-father. When he finally found him, he was watching the fire. His white hair was blowing in the wind. His face was illuminated by the leaping flames. "My heart ached for him," said Charles. "Here he was, 67 years old, and everything he had worked for was going up in flames. When he saw me, he shouted, 'Charles! Where's your mother?' When I told him I didn't know, he said, 'Find her! Bring her here! She'll never see anything like this as long as she lives.'"
Next morning, Mr. Edison looked at the ruins of his factory and said this of his loss: "There's value in disaster. All our mistakes are burned up. Thank God, we can start anew."
What a wonderful perspective on things that seem at first to be so disastrous. A business failure, divorce, personal dream gone sour . . . whether these things destroy an individual depends largely on the attitude he or she takes toward them. Sort out why it happened, and learn something from the blunders. Think of different approaches that can be taken.
Start over.
A Thousand Marbles
A Thousand Marbles
-- Author Unknown
The older I get, the more I enjoy Saturday mornings. Perhaps it's the quiet solitude that comes with being the first to rise, or maybe it's the unbounded joy of not having to be at work. Either way, the first few hours of a Saturday morning are most enjoyable.
A few weeks ago, I was shuffling toward the basement shack with a steaming cup of coffee in one hand and the morning paper in the other. What began as a typical Saturday morning, turned into one of those lessons that life seems to hand you from time to time. Let me tell you about it.
I turned the dial up into the phone portion of the band on my ham radio in order to listen to a Saturday morning swap net. Along the way, I came across an older sounding chap, with a tremendous signal and a golden voice. You know the kind, he sounded like he should be in the broadcasting business. He was telling whoever he was talking with something about "a thousand marbles."
I was intrigued and stopped to listen to what he had to say. "Well, Tom, it sure sounds like you're busy with your job. I'm sure they pay you well but it's a shame you have to be away from home and your family so much. Hard to believe a young fellow should have to work sixty or seventy hours a week to make ends meet. Too bad you missed your daughter's dance recital."
He continued, "Let me tell you something Tom, something that has helped me keep a good perspective on my own priorities."
And that's when he began to explain his theory of a "thousand marbles." "You see, I sat down one day and did a little arithmetic. The average person lives about seventy-five years. I know, some live more and some live less, but on average, folks live about seventy-five years."
"Now then, I multiplied 75 times 52 and I came up with 3900 which is the number of Saturdays that the average person has in their entire lifetime. Now stick with me Tom, I'm getting to the important part."
"It took me until I was fifty-five years old to think about all this in any detail," he went on, "and by that time I had lived through over twenty-eight hundred Saturdays. I got to thinking that if I lived to be seventy-five, I only had about a thousand of them left to enjoy."
"So I went to a toy store and bought every single marble they had. I ended up having to visit three toy stores to roundup 1000 marbles. I took them home and put them inside of a large, clear plastic container right here in the shack next to my gear. Every Saturday since then, I have taken one marble out and thrown it away."
"I found that by watching the marbles diminish, I focused more on the really important things in life. There is nothing like watching your time here on this earth run out to help get your priorities straight."
"Now let me tell you one last thing before I sign-off with you and take my lovely wife out for breakfast.
This morning, I took the very last marble out of the container. I figure if I make it until next Saturday then I have been given a little extra time. And the one thing we can all use is a little more time."
"It was nice to meet you Tom, I hope you spend more time with your family, and I hope to meet you again here on the band. 75 year Old Man, this is K9NZQ, clear and going QRT, good morning!"
You could have heard a pin drop on the band when this fellow signed off. I guess he gave us all a lot to think about. I had planned to work on the antenna that morning, and then I was going to meet up with a few hams to work on the next club newsletter. Instead, I went upstairs and woke my wife up with a kiss. "C'mon honey, I'm taking you and the kids to breakfast."
"What brought this on?" she asked with a smile. "Oh, nothing special, it's just been a long time since we spent a Saturday together with the kids. Hey, can we stop at a toy store while we're out? I need to buy some marbles."
HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND AND MAY ALL SATURDAYS BE SPECIAL!
-- Author Unknown
The older I get, the more I enjoy Saturday mornings. Perhaps it's the quiet solitude that comes with being the first to rise, or maybe it's the unbounded joy of not having to be at work. Either way, the first few hours of a Saturday morning are most enjoyable.
A few weeks ago, I was shuffling toward the basement shack with a steaming cup of coffee in one hand and the morning paper in the other. What began as a typical Saturday morning, turned into one of those lessons that life seems to hand you from time to time. Let me tell you about it.
I turned the dial up into the phone portion of the band on my ham radio in order to listen to a Saturday morning swap net. Along the way, I came across an older sounding chap, with a tremendous signal and a golden voice. You know the kind, he sounded like he should be in the broadcasting business. He was telling whoever he was talking with something about "a thousand marbles."
I was intrigued and stopped to listen to what he had to say. "Well, Tom, it sure sounds like you're busy with your job. I'm sure they pay you well but it's a shame you have to be away from home and your family so much. Hard to believe a young fellow should have to work sixty or seventy hours a week to make ends meet. Too bad you missed your daughter's dance recital."
He continued, "Let me tell you something Tom, something that has helped me keep a good perspective on my own priorities."
And that's when he began to explain his theory of a "thousand marbles." "You see, I sat down one day and did a little arithmetic. The average person lives about seventy-five years. I know, some live more and some live less, but on average, folks live about seventy-five years."
"Now then, I multiplied 75 times 52 and I came up with 3900 which is the number of Saturdays that the average person has in their entire lifetime. Now stick with me Tom, I'm getting to the important part."
"It took me until I was fifty-five years old to think about all this in any detail," he went on, "and by that time I had lived through over twenty-eight hundred Saturdays. I got to thinking that if I lived to be seventy-five, I only had about a thousand of them left to enjoy."
"So I went to a toy store and bought every single marble they had. I ended up having to visit three toy stores to roundup 1000 marbles. I took them home and put them inside of a large, clear plastic container right here in the shack next to my gear. Every Saturday since then, I have taken one marble out and thrown it away."
"I found that by watching the marbles diminish, I focused more on the really important things in life. There is nothing like watching your time here on this earth run out to help get your priorities straight."
"Now let me tell you one last thing before I sign-off with you and take my lovely wife out for breakfast.
This morning, I took the very last marble out of the container. I figure if I make it until next Saturday then I have been given a little extra time. And the one thing we can all use is a little more time."
"It was nice to meet you Tom, I hope you spend more time with your family, and I hope to meet you again here on the band. 75 year Old Man, this is K9NZQ, clear and going QRT, good morning!"
You could have heard a pin drop on the band when this fellow signed off. I guess he gave us all a lot to think about. I had planned to work on the antenna that morning, and then I was going to meet up with a few hams to work on the next club newsletter. Instead, I went upstairs and woke my wife up with a kiss. "C'mon honey, I'm taking you and the kids to breakfast."
"What brought this on?" she asked with a smile. "Oh, nothing special, it's just been a long time since we spent a Saturday together with the kids. Hey, can we stop at a toy store while we're out? I need to buy some marbles."
HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND AND MAY ALL SATURDAYS BE SPECIAL!
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